Insomnia

We've all been there - lying awake at 2.00am, tossing and turning, watching the clock and calculating how long you've got before you need to get up and function as a human being.

There are a million cures for insomnia but let's face it, if you've got real issues in your life and big decisions to be made, counting sheep just doesn't cut it.  I've counted so many sheep I could get a job as a shepherd.  Come to think of it, I should add this skill to my resume because I am looking for a job. 

I find I get more sleep on the couch in front of the television.  The pressure to sleep isn't as great there. 

Did you know that there are old episodes of "Love Boat" on in the early hours of the morning?  They don't make shows like that anymore do they!  I can remember wanting to be a cruise director like Julie when I was younger and wear those fantastic clothes.  Nothing beats the glamour of the 1970s and 1980s.  Did you know that Billy Crystal was one of the writers for this show - no wonder I love "When Harry Met Sally".  Anyway, back to my insomnia issues.  Due to lack of sleep I can't stay focussed.

Apart from Love Boat, there is Shopping TV on just about every free-to-air channel during the early hours.

I am now the proud owner of an Abmaster Pro, a steam mop and a heavy-duty juicer that claims you can virtually put the entire fruit tree in one end and get a healthy glass of juice out the other. 

I've been tempted on a number of occasions to ring up for the AAH bra - that's what its called.  This isn't a 'typo'.  It's like a little crop top that you can layer and it has no underwire or clips and claims to make the most saggy boobs look perky.

Insomnia is a costly exercise for me personally but it's obviously very good for the economy. Surely I can't be the only person ringing in to get these fantastic deals before they run out.  I bet nobody ever sends the stuff back if they aren't completely satisfied because it is just way too much trouble.  You just fold up your Abmaster Pro and put it under the bed to gather dust and drag it out to sell at your next garage sale. 

Don't even start me on garage sales - someone needs to shoot me if I ever utter those words again!

These shopping TV companies are preying on insomniacs because we are weakened from lack of sleep and not seeing reason and generally forgetting we already own a steam mop and a juicer we've only used once.

I wonder why they don't promote sleeping tablets or weird whale music in the early hours of the morning - at least they are things that might help people get to sleep because I'm telling you that I have never steam-mopped, juiced a fruit tree or did ab-crunches at 2.00am.  Marketing gurus really need to pick up on this cheap TV time-slot and start doing infomercials for products to help the insomniacs in the world.

Tonight I might just try a big nip of Bundaberg Rum and hope that works.  Whatever way it turns out, it's going to be cheaper than buying another piece of crap to sell at my next garage sale.

Deb