Crikey - went to Australia Zoo

I know it wasn't on my 'gunnado' list but I went to Australia Zoo last week-end and I am sad to say that it was the first time I'd been.  It was fantastic and I felt a bit like a kid again feeding the elephants, cheering in the crocoseum and patting the kangaroos and koalas. 

I did, however, say I wanted to take plenty of photographs while I was in Brisbane and I certainly did that at Australia Zoo!  I was clicking away like a woman possessed.  What did we do before digital cameras?  I take hundreds now because then I've got a good chance of getting one or two brilliant memories.

Lately I've been thinking about 'passion' and I'm not sure I've ever had a great passion for any particular hobby or cause.  That's not to say I've not had an interest in things because I've tried plenty of different activities and enjoyed them but I've not had that burning desire to keep on doing any one in particular.  Alan had a passion for fishing and he lived and breathed it and I envied him that and now I wish I had a passion for something. Am I too old I wonder to get that?  I really hope not. 

Perhaps I need to live life a little more on the edge and try a lot more things to see if something sparks the passion.  I had been thinking of going back to scuba diving - something I did a lot of in my twenties and really enjoyed.  I have my kayak which is yet to hit the water and for those of you who have read my earlier blogs, I do love to boogie-board.  Fortunately the weather is now getting warm enough for me to start indulging in some of these summer activities so who knows, I might just spark a passion for one of them.

Being at Australia Zoo and seeing Steve Irwin's passion come to life really highlighted my lack of 'passion' for something.  I can pretty much tell you that my passion isn't going to be knitting or playing the guitar - both 'gunnado' items dropping fairly quickly on my list over the last six weeks.  If I'd had a true passion for them surely I'd have found the time to do more of them ...

Anyway, I am into my final two days of radiotherapy in Brisbane and will be back home this week-end and I am looking forward to getting Chewie back with me permanently and beginning the next chapter of my new life.  Who knows what it will hold but I have to remember not to become too complacent and try and live my life more actively and passionately and take the odd risk along the way because as the old cliche goes, 'life isn't a dress rehearsal'.

I think I'm becoming a little bit too philosophical with so much time to think about the meaning of life - maybe I'm spending too much time in the self-help section of the library and book-shops and think I may need to move into the 'Action' section.

 

Radiotherapy Update

Well, I'm already approaching my third week of radiotherapy and so far so good.  I've not been burnt to a crisp yet but it may be worthwhile buying shares in the Sorbolene company I'm using because I am now buying it by the litre - there is no need to muck around with those 250ml tubes.

The 'gunnado' list hasn't got too many ticks against it yet but, surprisingly, I've not been bored as I've had people with me most of the time playing tourist here in Brisbane.  I watched the AFL Grand Final at the Gold Coast casino with a Collingwood supporter so that worked out well, unless of course you are a 'Pies' fan.  I must say, as the match progressed there were more and more Geelong supporters coming out of the wood work, unless of course they were Collingwood supporters jumping ship.

We went on the giant Brisbane Wheel at Southbank which was quite good, admittedly it's not the London Eye but at least they have one that is still standing, unlike Melbourne!  As far as my Thai cooking class goes, I have gone and eaten at the restaurant to ensure that the food is good - I don't want to learn to cook 'dodgy' Thai food.  On the other hand, if it turns out I'm not that good at it I could always blame the cooking school ... good chance I will do that anyway.

Why do we use ... (dot dot dot) when we write I wonder?  It really does leave things up to the reader to interpret but I like it because it can say everything or it can say nothing at all.  Maybe it's a cop out but as the song goes, "You say it best when you say nothing at all".

I'm still knitting and am actually considering something a little more challenging having found a few videos online to show me how to increase and decrease stitches.  I think it's time I moved on from the basic square because life is too short for just squares - you need a few bends and twists along the way so you don't become too staid.  It's time I started challenging myself again - even if it is in the knitting arena.  Unlike other people who are diagnosed with cancer and go on to achieve amazing feats like conquering Mount Everest, starting their own Foundation etc etc.  It does make me sound a bit slack really but a very good friend of mine said that not everybody has to do something amazing, that the World needs cogs in the wheel as well. 

That sounds a bit like a cop out though, maybe we are all meant to achieve something amazing in our life.  If nothing else, getting diagnosed with cancer does make you question life a lot more.  At this stage though I've not got any answers - just questions.

Stage 2 - Radiotherapy

Well, I have begun Stage 2 of my recovery program with my first session of radiotherapy today.  I am not glowing in the dark which is a good thing but I'm guessing by the end of the six weeks I won't need a microwave!

It is such a scary process - like anything I suppose, the first time you have to do something you know nothing about is frightening.  I was like that when I started the chemotherapy - scared out of my wits!  The good thing is though that I survived that and I'm sure I will survive this as well.

The hardest thing is being in Brisbane and away from my new home.  I'd only just started nesting and I had to pack up and leave it all behind. 

I don't believe that the radiotherapy will make me sick - just a bit tired.  Ex chemo patients apparently don't find it too bad.  The chemotherapy obviously toughens us up and we can cope with almost anything - even getting "nucked" - is that how you spell "nucked" - you know what I mean anyway.

It was amazing how many people were there in the oncology day therapy section at Brisbane hospital.  It is so sad to think that so many people are being treated for cancer - I'm definitely not on my own that's for sure.  It does make me continue to ask "Why?"

Anyway, instead of sitting here feeling sorry for myself I need to re-visit my "gunnadoo" list and start planning.  I actually am feeling quite stressed at the moment and a bit tearie  because I am so out of my comfort zone and am not sure what the future holds.  Again, it is that sense of being alone that freaks me out more than the cancer, chemotherapy or radiotherapy. 

On a brighter note though I picked up instalment 4 of "The Art of Knitting" so I will start on my fourth square today and perhaps learn a new stitch or two and enjoy the nice warm weather here in Brisbane.

Gunnado List

When I was working I was a list freak.  I had lists for everything.  My running sheets were legendary amongst my colleagues when organising events and could quite easily run over three pages.

Since I've stopped work, I can barely find a pen and I've given up wearing a watch but I'm beginning to think if I don't start making lists and getting my act together, I'll do nothing but talk about what I'm 'gunnado'. 

As part of my treatment, I need to spend six weeks in Brisbane getting radiotherapy so I've decided to make the most of this time and use it as a health retreat. OK, I know what you are thinking - 'radiotherapy' isn't usually listed as a health treatment at the world's top spa resorts along with Sea Salt Massage and Hot Rock therapy but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  I figure if I fill the six weeks up with pleasant things then the actual 'radiotherapy' will take a back-seat.

I thought if I actually put in writing here on my blog site the things I'm 'gunnado', it may well force me to do them (or at least some of them).

• Find a yoga class and go as often as possible
• Learn to meditate
• Do some light weight training
• Take my juicer and invent healthy fruit & vegetable concoctions
• Do a Thai and/or Vegetarian cooking class 
• Walk everyday
• Go on Brisbane's giant ferris wheel at Southbank
• Take a trip on a Brisbane River Cat
• Visit the art gallery (try and put some culture into my life)
• Do a photography course for a day
• Take lots of photos and write
• Keep up my knitting

The knitting is a bit left-field but I'm finding it quite therapeutic although I'm still only knitting squares at the moment. I'm not sure I'll get past the squares actually.  Those knitting patterns look a bit tricky I reckon - especially at the moment when I have the attention span of a gnat.  That's a weird saying isn't it?  How do poeople know that gnats have a short attention span.  It's a bit derogatory to gnats even though I don't really even know what one is - a gnat that is.

It will be interesting to see how many of these things I do during my six-week sabatical. 

Where are all my favourite authors?

I love nothing more than a good "Chick Lit" book but, because I've been reading so much lately, I've read all my favourite author's books.  I wish they'd bloody put out some new ones - don't they know that I need something good to read.  I've been using the library lately in the hope of discovering a new favourite author but so far, NOTHING! 

Some of my favourite "Chick Lit" authors are Maeve Binchy (all time favourite), Cathy Kelly, Marian Keyes and Monica Macinerney so, if by chance any of you are reading this, then can you do me a favour and get writing.  I love your work.

Nothing is nicer than getting a new novel from one of your all time favourite writers, making a hot cup of coffee, curling up in your favourite chair, opening a cherry ripe and starting the journey - meeting the new characters, learning to love (or hate) them and becoming engrossed in their world.  This is Bliss!

On the other hand, nothing is worse than starting on a book that you just can't warm to.  It is so depressing - the coffee and the cherry ripe are fine but I am no longer bothered to read books all the way through if I'm not enjoying it.  If I'm not into it in the first two to three chapters then down it goes. 

Life is too short to read crappy books.  In fact, when I think about it, in my opinion life is too short for a lot of things like:

• Drinking wine from cheap glasses (doesn't matter if the wine is cheap),
• sleeping on less than 500 thread count sheets,
• Eating dried pasta and not making your own (try it, you'll love it and its very therapeutic),
• Drying yourself with rough towels (they have to be soft and fluffy)

If anybody knows any great chick-lit authoris, please let me know.  I'm willing to give any of them a chance with a coffee and cherry ripe.

Final Dose of Chemotherapy

Today is a very auspicious day for me - I had my last round of chemotherapy.  It is very early days yet but I actually feel OK.  I feel a bit flushed but not sick and I enjoyed dinner this evening with all of my taste buds in tact.  What more can I ask for?

As usual, the nurses in the Bundaberg Hospital oncology day ward were nothing but wonderful and presented me with a stunning purple orchid before I left to mark the occasion.  I'll miss the girls up there - I see them every week and have spent hours with them during my treatment days.  They have become a bit of a security blanket for me.  I know that makes me sound a bit needy but during this time they have been the people with all the answers and I've grown to depend on them so much. 

On a more positive note (there is always a silver lining), I have had the PICC line removed from my arm so I can now shower without a plastic bag on my arm and that I can assure you has been a long time coming.  Hopefully, I will be able to sleep on my side tonight and not flat on my back which has been a necessity in recent months.  It's amazing how we take these small things for granted. 

I just realised that I will now be able to go swimming and for those of you have read my earlier blogs, I can get back into my new sexy swimming cossies that I bought to celebrate my sea change to Bundaberg.  Life is getting back on track!!!!  The boogie-boarding may have to wait until the warmer months but I think I can manage the local heated swimming pool. 

Before I do this I may have to invest in a bathing cap because I don't want to be scaring small children with my bald head - actually it has a bit of a fluffy thing happening and looks scarily like a baby orangutan.  For the first time in my life the only body hair problems I've got before donning my bathers is the hair on my head.  Makes a change from shaving, waxing, depilitory creams and bleaching doesn't it?  In hindsight, I will never complain again about hair removal treatments but will gladly embrace them and enjoy the feeling of having body hair ripped from my skin with hot wax because I now know the alternative is far worse. 

The chemotherapy is the first 'therapy' in the line-up with my next challenge being radiotherapy which starts in mid September and goes for six weeks.  In the words of Scarlett O'Hara in 'Gone With The Wind' though, "I shall think about that tomorrow."

For now, I am going to enjoy my time not having to go for Chemotherapy and think about my new townhouse which, if all goes to plan, settles in early September. The move into my own apartment is a big milestone in my journey towards independence and I am getting very excited about this.  It is scary to be doing this on my own without Alan but I know I can do it, I just have to stay strong and focused and learn to ask for help from family and friends.  What I've discovered since moving back to Bundaberg is that my family want, and are happy, to help me so sometimes I have to be a little less independent and accept their assistance.

Iit will be wonderful getting all my own possesions arounds me again and eating what and when I like and watching anything I like on TV, having the dog inside with me, grocery shopping, sleeping in.  On the downside though I will have to do my own washing and ironing.  I guess not every cloud has a silver lining after all!  (Thanks Mum)

Neenish Tart - Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride

Having come back to live in Bundaberg after just thirty years it was nice to wander around the central business district to see what shops were still around from my teens.  You can’t imagine my delight when I saw Lushus Cakes.  It just goes to show, you can’t keep a good cake shop down.

The memories came flooding back to me.  As the office junior back in the 1970s my biggest priority of the day was to collect morning tea for the guys in the office.  I know, I know – things were a lot more sexist back then and because I was not only the office junior but a ‘girl’ as well meant we didn’t even bother to draw straws, I was it.

Every day I’d head down to Lushus Cakes with a cardboard box to buy copious quantities of cream buns, cream donuts, cottage pies, sausage rolls, buttered Boston buns, apple turnovers and vanilla slices and the very occasional Neenish tart.   It was obvious that high cholesterol wasn’t a big deal back in the mid 1970s.  It still amazes me how much the guys in that office could devour – just at morning tea!

As I stood looking in the window of Lushus Cakes there sat a lone Neenish tart looking very sad and neglected calling out, ‘pick me, pick me’.  What is it with the Neenish tart?  I think it is the most under-appreciated baked item around.  Is it because it is smaller than a cream bun or a vanilla slice (aka ‘snot block’) and people don’t think they’re getting value for money?  Have people actually tried a Neenish Tart to see just what delicacy lies beneath the elegant icing? 

Within the realms of baked goods, you have competitions for the best pie or the best vanilla slice and this has helped raise their profile.   In the meantime, the poor old Neenish tart is treated like some poor relation, doomed to be left on the shelf when all the more glamorous cakes and tarts have been devoured.

Sadly, the Neenish tart is always the bridesmaid of the cake world and never the bride.

Don’t be lured by the giant calorie-laden, cellulite-generating cakes in the shop window that should come with a year’s gym membership.  Give the Neenish tart a try and I think you will be pleasantly surprised when you crack open the unassuming two-toned icing on top.  Remember, good things come in small packages – just like the small and elegant Neenish tart.